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Name: Rae Abaring
Gender: Female


Expertise: I only believe in the simple things in life. Money. Chocolate. Chocolate money.


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Member Since: 10/15/2002

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Saturday, August 19, 2006

 I'm being emo. SoI felt like writing emo. And this would be the offspring of my shit mood...

~~~~~

She tied the garland of pearls around her neck. So tasteful, she winced.

 

She smiled ruefully at the young man before her. The smile was returned fondly before he turned around to face the stage once more.

 

She wouldn’t miss him, she knew. Things didn’t work like that. Not really. You remember for a little while—the inside jokes, the quiet laughter...the good times. But then you find things to fill up the holes. You find new hobbies, new friends, new loves. Then you come back home, you look around, and you realize, there’s nothing left to fill anymore. There’s no more room for him. And what’s worse, you don’t think you really mind.

 

This, she all knew.

 

She stared at the numbers, digitized and precise, on her phone’s screen. Click. Delete. Click. Delete. It’s best to leave him in the past. No sense in dredging up vague recollections ten years in the future and pretending they still mattered. No sense in the fake conversations and veneered memories, glazing over the tears and pretending our hearts weren’t broken.

 

 Yeah, wow we were so melodramatic. I can’t believe that happened. Yeah we were crazy, what were we thinking, falling in love. Too young, I know. Much too young. Puppy love, of course of course.  Hypocritical, she knew. As if time made that sweet insanity any less real when they first kissed. As if time made that phantom pain any less piercing when left each other behind, and instead of perishing as they each swore they'd do, lived. Lived, and loved without each other. But those polite and courteous comments would be the soul of their future reunion. Psuedo pleasantries, and feined interest. A laughing derision of their ridiculous youth. They’d be strangers then, less than acquaintances…and fact is, there would be too much in her life to remake what had faded a decade before.

 

This, she all knew, even if the knowledge stung.

 

The graduation song crackled over the speakers. The sound system was on the fritz again. She winced at the thought that those first few, distorted notes reminded her so much of the funeral march. Throw down the flowers, offer a handful of dirt, then turn around and don’t look back.

 

“May I present to you the Graduates of the Class of 2006.”

 

Don’t ever look back.

 

~~~~~

 

--the rizzle.

 


Thursday, March 23, 2006

An Ode To The Dealer At The Corner Of Prospect and Milford
This sweet shot of adonyne
Like a bullet to the brain.
Whispers songs and lullabies
To the mem’ries tucked in graves

Yes,
This week’s shot of adonyne
My emotions held at bay
All the ghosts bid me goodbye
After heaven rides my veins

 

I needed a druggie-themed poem in trochaic tetrameter quatrains. Check out the rhythm, mang.

~rae.

 

PS: If I'm wrong, tell me.


Thursday, March 16, 2006

MUAHAHAHAA! Ok so I had joined this online forum thingie and there was this RPG that I really wanted to just utterly sweep up. So I wrote this thingie as the basis for the forum's RPG...and I found myself utterly intoxicated by it. I really need to get this into novel form before I die.

Balance: The New War

 

History: The year, 2501. New York had been a crumbling wasteland for decades. Of course the Hunters blamed the “pseudo-humans” for the despondency of the once vibrant city, and vice versa. But now, General and acclaimed hero, Henry Mauskowitz—Mauser, in the quiet whispers of his subordinates—has found what he believes could end the delicate war between Humans and Non-Andromorphs. The Neurostimulacrux, they called it. It effectively tames what they consider their last real adversary: Vampires.  Rather than seeking to HIDE a human from the heightened senses of a vamp, as previous weapons had tried, the Neurostim tried the exact opposite. It bonded with “impure” blood and attacked a vamp’s hypersensitive receptors, flooding it with acoustic, gustative, olfactory, ocular, and tactile impulses. It was the equivalent to being placed in a room with noise that made one’s ears bleed, hallucinations that never disappeared, smells and tastes of the hottest peppers and bitterest lemons, and (this one Mauser secretly enjoyed the most) the sensation of several millions knives slicing through the skin. It rendered a vamp quite incapable of sanity, much less belligerence. The perfect weapon, in a dart the size of a 2-inch needle. Much like the Hydrogen Bomb of World War II, the StimDart would secure the war.

 

Mauser was a happy man these days.

 

Man's Hunters had long ago tamed the pathetic wolf-dogs they now kept in zoos, enslaved in hard labor, or displayed in living rooms to scare the grandchildren. They had found the majority of the Gateways, slowing the quiet immigration of Demons almost to a halt. Though there were several Lycans and Demons that posed as antagonists, without the cumulative power of a large Pack, or a large Coven—these individuals were singular threats and posed no greater danger than a few dozen deaths at a time. But vampires…Vampires had their Clans. They often swooped down, accompanied by Lycans they had freed and Demons they had allied with, and left several hundred Hunters and civilians dead in their wake. And now…now their end was within sight.

 

Yes, Mauser was a very happy man these days.

 

Races Involved: Everybody.

Humans are quite aware of other beings, and want them dead in any manner possible. The largest and most organized group is known as the Hunters. Other vigilante bands were existent, of course, but only the Hunters had the technological prowess and brute strength needed to make a dent on Non-human populations. There are a few activists, seeking to ease what they see as only intolerance of other Species. These people are thought of as traitor, if not insane, by their fellow Men, but are not trusted by other beings, who have learned to hate all humans. They are often the first ones killed, but there are still a few who believe in the power of ideals. Serenity is the name of the organization at the forefront of the activist-traitors.

Lycans want revenge. They had been dishonored, tortured, and enslaved by Man in the Fourth World War. In 2275, The Eurasian Alliance, the superpower at the time, had made it their prerogative to capture all Lycans. They used a common drug, Mutagenixx, combined with a pumped up Serotonin Inhibitor. Muta kept Lycans in their wolf form, and the SIs kept them numb to external stimuli. Essentially, they became mindless dogs. Lycans were often freed by renegade Humans and the guerrilla attacks of Vamps, but it was found that without the drugs they had physiologically been addicted to, they went into severe withdrawal and often died. There had long since been found a drug, Elytheria, to counter the withdrawal effects, but that supposes that a wolf is freed by someone who can administer Ely. Lycans are vicious and amoral, truly loyal only to their own, but bound to their allies to destroy what they perceive is the greater enemy: Man.

Vampires are bellicose, ruthless, and sadistic—but only by necessity. Their brutality is tempered by incredible tactical skill and intelligence; they are by no means another animal with fangs. In general, they are an idealistic lot (as opposed to the paranoid cynicism of Humans)…they had had no previous account with Humans. Yes, some vamps killed humans and some humans killed vamps, but it was not a total war between Races. It was just incidents. A few sympathetic vampires had helped free Lycans before—hell, it was they who invented Elytheria. But a few sympathetic vampires also aided the “hopeless humans.” Basically, in the past, each Vampire was considered only as an individual, not as an example of the whole race. But now, with the invention of the StimDart and the subsequent dangers, Vampires have been thrust unwillingly into the war. Even those sympathetic to Man could not trust ones who held their deaths so easily at hand. As very new elements in an old war, Vampires have still retained the nobility and grace they had before. They balance their bloodlust with honor—they will never hurt a child, lest they are attacked by him first; they try to keep the civilian casualties down; a hundred other unwritten rules are existent. These rules serve to justify their actions; it helps them believe that they really ARE better than these humans, who would so callously endanger the beings that had once given them aid.

Demons were once the amused bystanders of this war. They saw themselves above and beyond the petty travails of the ones, TerraBound…those who did not understand the greater secrets of the mysterious. They fed by necessity, but Man saw it is an attack almost kin to terrorism. When Man began to uncover their secrets, with that insidious Human curiosity, Demons saw it as a personal affront. The uneasy peace between Demons and Man came to a crashing halt when, after given information about Demonkind from a traitor, Pancrazio, Man began closing Gateways to stop what they considered the Flood of the Filthy. A particularly gory Lycan massacre had been attributed to the Demons, and Man had taken actions against this new danger. As a result, the Demons had hesitantly joined the war. They passionately hated the Lycans, but their need to find and destroy all evidence of the power to close Gateways trumped their hatred.

 

Plot: Mm’kay, well this can go a lot of ways. The StimDart is relatively new (barely past the clinical testing stages), mass production has not yet begun. Therefore, Nonandromorphs can still attack the research laboratories…although there are several of them, and there will definitely be backups to the information. So some nights could have attacks.

Vampires can often pass as human, given the right amount of training to disguise the fluidity of their movements among other things, because Anasol, a drug, protects them from the sun for short periods of time. So some RPGs could be spies.

Mutant Lycans could start evolving with an immunity to SIs.

A Dark Book could be found, and Demons could find another way to open Gateways and reek revenge.

 

Or…and this I find most interesting myself: Humans could just about obliterate other species. But a girl, Angie Dademone, adopted daughter of a prominent Sector Police-Major (who, though competent, derives most of his power by being the brother to Mauser) falls into the clutches of the Vamps, who protect her from raging Lycans. In their care, she talks to a Demon who tells her an interesting story of the beginning of the Darkness—the age when Non-andromorphs were discovered. A philosopher had reasoned that to keep Man from fighting each other, they had to fight against a common Enemy. And so he struck a deal with one of the oldest demons, Pancrazio, to create Lycans and Vampires. Pancrazio was sympathetic to the troubles of Man, and thus was considered a traitor to DemonKind. Thus, the Nameless Philosopher traded possession of his body for the lives of a whole new race of beings.

Well, after seeing the horrors of the resulting wars between the New Races and Humans, Pancrazio tried to help Man by giving them the knowledge of how to close Gateways. But, since he possessed the Philosopher’s body, the Philosopher had become immortal and shared in his power—a side effect he obviously had not considered. The Philosopher will try to do anything in his power to keep the war going…to keep Man fighting against a common enemy, due to his twisted love for Humanity.

If the StimDart works, and all other races are subdued, the Philosopher will create a whole new Horror to the bane of all Races existent. He would use Pancrazio's power to create an even greater, more powerful species, in an attempt to keep Man united.

Angie, with a band of close friends of all races, must either destroy the StimDart Protocopy, or –failing that—must find a way to separate Pancrazio and the Philosopher before the new Horror is created.

 

OR….a pleasant mix of any of the above could result.

 

Some Meanings:

Neurostimulacrux: A blend of neural, stimulus, simulacrum, cross. Basically it is a drug that crucifies vampires with simulated neural impulses.

Nonandromorphs: Non, meaning not; andro, meaning man; morph, meaning form

Mauser: the name of a kind of weapon

Henry: German, meaning ruler of the home

SI: Serotonin Inhibitor; based on SSRIs (like Prozac), which are Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors. Serotonin is needed to relay neural messages. Thus, inhibiting it can disrupt senses and cognitive function.

Elytheria: Greek, meaning freedom

Terrabound: Terra is Italian for earth; so it means earth-bound

Pancrazio: Italian, meaning Supreme ruler, or all-powerful

Angela Dademone: Angela means Angel; and Dademone, is Italian for “From Demon”; which kind of adds a little question mark to her background.

Anasol: Ana, is a Greek prefix meaning without, Sol, is a Latin suffix meaning sun

 

Protagonists: None. Everybody has got a reason for doing what they do, either for safety or survival. The line for peaceful enmity had been crossed a long time ago. The conclusion of this decisive war is simply the next step in the epic that can only end when one or all races are eradicated or conjoined.



Come on now....you can't tell me that that wasn't a literary cudgel to the forebrain.

::sigh:: Now if only I could write it proper...

~rae.


Tuesday, February 07, 2006

So...this is pretty, and I thought i'll put it up here...

Ah beautiful passionate body
That never has ached with a heart!
On thy mouth though the kisses are bloody,
Though they sting till it shudder and smart,
More kind than the love we adore is,
They hurt not the heart or the brain,
O bitter and tender Dolores,
Our Lady of Pain.

~Dolores, A. C. Swinburne

 

~~~~~

If there's one link you click on today, it has to be this.

~~~~~

Okay so I've been reading rather obsessively this one fanfic at ff.net. I probably shouldn't....but oh well. It's an alternate universe of Harry Potter; yes, this lady-person actually took it upon herself to rewrite the entire series with several major changes, the first being Harry's twin brother, Conner. Ok, so that sounds pretty crapy. But it's good!

I swear.

~~~~

Wow..dude's a badass That was sarcasm, if you had missed it.

~~~~~

One night stands made easy...although any self-respecting bar with these isn't very self-respecting at all.

~~~~~

Emo 101  and 102

~~~~~

Sorry...I should prolly be more PC, but that's still icky.

~~~~~

Dear Kira....Please don't think less of me. =D

 

The End.

~rae.


Monday, February 06, 2006

Borrowed from Monali.

Appearance

[x] I am shorter than 5'4.
[x] I have many scars.
[x] I tan easily.
[ ] I wish my hair was a different color.
[ ] I have a tattoo.
[x] I am self-conscious about my appearance.
[x] I dont like the way i look.
[x] I have/I've had braces.
[x] I've worn glasses.
[x] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100 safe, free of cost, hurt free, and scar-free.
[x] I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger.
[ ] I have more than 2 piercings.
[ ] I have piercings in places besides my ears.
[x] I have freckles.

Family/Home Life

[ ] I've sworn at my parents.
[ ] I've run away from home.
[ ] I've been kicked out of the house.
[x] My biological parents are together.
[x] I want to have kids someday. (one boy and two girls!!)
[ ] I've had children.
[ ] I've lost a child.

School/Work

[x] I'm in school.
[x] I've fallen asleep at work/school.
[ ] I almost always do my homework.
[x] I've missed a week or more of school.
[x] I've been on the Honor Roll within the last 2 years.
[ ] I failed more than 1 class last year.
[x] I've skipped school.

Embarrassment

[x] I've slipped out a "lol" in a spoken conversation.
[x] Disney movies still make me cry.
[ ] I've peed from laughing.
[x] I've snorted while laughing.
[x] I've laughed so hard I've cried.
[x] I've glued my hand to something
[x] I've laughed till some kind of beverage came out of
my nose.
[x] I've had my pants rip in public.

Health

[x] I've gotten stitches.
[x] I've had surgery.
[x] I've broken a bone.
[ ] I've had my tonsils removed.
[x] I've had my wisdom teeth removed.
[x] I've had chicken pox.

Experiences

[x] I've gotten lost in my city.
[ ] I've wished on a shooting star.
[ ] I've seen a meteor shower.
[x] I've gone out in public in my pajamas.
[x] I've pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
[x] I've kicked a guy where it hurts.
[ ] I've been skydiving.
[x] I've stayed up all night on the phone with someone.
[ ] I've gone skinny dipping.
[x] I've played spin the bottle.
[ ] I've drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
[ ] I've crashed a car.
[ ] I've been skiing
[x] I've been in a play.
[x] I've met someone in person from the internet.
[x] I've caught a snowflake on my tongue.
[ ] I've seen the Northern Lights.
[ ] I've sat on a roof top at night.
[x] I've farted in public and pretended it wasnt me.
[ ] I've played a prank on someone.
[x] I've ridden in a taxi.
[x] I've recieved roses.

Relationships

[x] I'm single
[ ] I'm in a relationship.
[x] I've had someone cheat on me.
[ ] I've gone on a blind date.
[x] I'm not over a past relationship.
[x] I miss someone right now.
[ ] I have a fear of commitment.
[x] I have a fear of abandonment.
[ ] I've cheated in a relationship.
[x] I've had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
[x] I've told someone I loved them when I didn't.

[x] I've told someone I didn't love them when I did.

[x] I've had a crush on a teacher.
[x] I like to cuddle.
[x] I like to flirt.
[ ] I've been kissed in the rain.
[ ] I have kissed a stranger.

Honesty/Crime

[x] I am a terrible liar.
[x] I've done something I promised someone else I wouldn't.
[x] I've done something I promised myself I wouldn't.
[ ] I've snuck out of my house.
[x] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
[x] I am keeping a secret from the world.
[x] I've cheated while playing a game.
[x] I've cheated on a test.
[ ] I've been suspended from school.
[ ] I've been in a fist fight.
[ ] I've been arrested.
[ ] I've shoplifted.

Drugs/Alcohol

[ ] I've consumed alcohol.
[ ] I've smoked weed.
[ ] I've taken pain killers when I don't need them
[ ] I'm a stoner.
[ ] I have cough drops when I'm not sick.
[x] I can't swallow pills.
[ ] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem.
[x] I've slept an entire day when I didn't need it.
[ ] I'm addicted to self harm.
[x] I've woken up crying.
[x] I've cried myself to sleep.

Materialism

[ ] I own over 5 rap CDs.
[x] I own an iPod or MP3 player

 [ ] I have an obsession with anime/manga.
[ ] I own multiple designer purses, costing over $100 a piece.
[x] I own something from American Eagle.
[x] I own something from Abercrombie & Fitch.
[x] I own something from Hollister.
[ ] I own something I got on eBay.

Random

[ ] I can sing well.
[ ] I've stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
[x] I open up to others easily.
[ ] I watch the news.
[ ] I don't kill bugs.
[x] I curse regularly.
[ ] I sing in the shower.
[ ] I am a morning person.
[ ] I paid for my cell phone ring tone.
[ ] I am a sports fanatic.
[ ] I twirl my hair.
[x] I have "x"s in my screen name.
[ ] I love being neat.
[x] I've had Spam.
[ ] I like Spam.
[ ] I've copied more than 30 CD's in a day.
[ ] I bake well.
[x] I would wear pajamas to school.
[ ] I like Martha Stewart.
[ ] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
[x] I laugh at my own jokes.
[x] I eat fast food weekly.
[ ] I believe in ghosts.
[x] I am online 24/7, even as an away message.
[x] I've not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class.
[x] I am really ticklish.
[ ] I love white chocolate
[ ] I bite my nails.
[ ] I play video games.
[x] I'm good at remembering faces.
[ ] I'm good at remembering names.
[ ] I'm good at remembering dates.
[x] I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
[x] My answers for this survey are totally honest.



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